A tall man is standing by the poultry in a crowded supermarket, inspecting the carcasses. A short, rather stout and angry man marches up and pokes him repeatedly in the shoulder blade.
Angry man: There you are! Why did you eat my cat?
Tall man: Sorry, what?
Angry man: You heard me. Why did you eat my cat?
Tall man: I didn’t eat your cat!
Male shopper: Sorry, did you just eat his cat?
Tall man: No! Of course I didn’t eat his cat!
Female shopper: Who ate your cat?
Angry man: He did.
Tall man: I didn’t!
Angry man: Where is it then?
Tall man: I don’t know! How am I supposed to know where your cat is?
Angry man: Cats don’t just go wandering off…
Tall man: Yes they do. That’s exactly what cats do. They like to wander. They’re not like dogs, waiting to be taken out on a lead. Cats like to wander off.
Male shopper: Not all cats.
Angry man: No not my cat.
Female shopper 2: What about your cat?
Angry man: He ate him…
Female shopper 2: Really…!
Tall man: No! I don’t even like cats!
A small crowd has gathered. The rabble is roused. A security guard comes over.
Guard: Is there a problem here?
Tall man: No.
Angry man: Yes he ate my cat!
Tall man: I didn’t! I’m sorry, there’s been a misunderstanding.
Guard: Look, you’re blocking the aisle. Get on with your shopping please, or I’ll be forced to remove you.
Tall man: Thank you.
The security guard waits until people have dispersed. He eyeballs the tall and the angry man until they walk away together. A few of the shoppers linger within earshot.
Tall man: Look, I’m sorry you lost your cat.
Angry man: I didn’t lose him! Someone’s taken him and eaten him.
Tall man: Okay… but it wasn’t me. And perhaps someone hasn’t taken him. Perhaps he just got bored and needed a bit of a break. Perhaps he’s gone to see a lady cat… eh?
Male shopper: (to the female shopper) for someone that doesn’t like cats he seems to know an awful lot about them…
Tall man: He’s probably just having a little walk… he’ll probably be back soon.
Angry man: Do you think?
Tall man: Yes… He’ll be back before you know it.
Angry man: So you don’t think someone’s taken him, or eaten him?
Tall man: No! why would anyone want to eat a cat. He’s probably out now with his little ladyfriend, and he’ll be back this evening, scratching at the door, wanting his dinner and a little tickle.
Angry man: mmm… perhaps you’re right. Hey… I better get home, in case he comes while I’m out.
Tall man: Yes! Go home. Wait for your cat.
Angry man: Okay. Er… sorry about… er, sorry.
Tall man: No problem. Just a misunderstanding.
Angry man: Thanks. Better go…
Tall man: Bye then, bye. See you.
Angry man: Bye.
The angry man leaves.
Tall man: Psycho.
Female shopper: hi.
Tall man: Oh what!?!
Female shopper: I think you and I need to have a little chat about where you source your meat.
Tall man: what?
Female shopper: Just, here’s my number. Invite me to dinner some time. I think we share the same tastes.
She has fur tail trim on her collar and sleeve. He looks at her in disbelief as she saunters away.