The Tale of the Cat

A tall man is standing by the poultry in a crowded supermarket, inspecting the carcasses.  A short, rather stout and angry man marches up and pokes him repeatedly in the shoulder blade.

Angry man: There you are! Why did you eat my cat?

Tall man: Sorry, what?

Angry man:  You heard me.  Why did you eat my cat?

Tall man:  I didn’t eat your cat!

Male shopper:  Sorry, did you just eat his cat?

Tall man: No!  Of course I didn’t eat his cat!

Female shopper:  Who ate your cat?

Angry man: He did.

Tall man: I didn’t!

Angry man: Where is it then?

Tall man:  I don’t know!  How am I supposed to know where your cat is?

Angry man: Cats don’t just go wandering off…

Tall man:  Yes they do.  That’s exactly what cats do.  They like to wander.  They’re not like dogs, waiting to be taken out on a lead.  Cats like to wander off.

Male shopper:  Not all cats.

Angry man:  No not my cat.

Female shopper 2:  What about your cat?

Angry man: He ate him…

Female shopper 2:  Really…!

Tall man:  No!  I don’t even like cats!

A small crowd has gathered.  The rabble is roused.  A security guard comes over.

Guard: Is there a problem here?

Tall man: No.

Angry man: Yes he ate my cat!

Guard:  What?

Tall man:  I didn’t! I’m sorry, there’s been a misunderstanding.

Guard:  Look, you’re blocking the aisle.  Get on with your shopping please, or I’ll be forced to remove you.

Tall man:  Thank you.

The security guard waits until people have dispersed.  He eyeballs the tall and the angry man until they walk away together.   A few of the shoppers linger within earshot.

Tall man:  Look, I’m sorry you lost your cat.

Angry man:  I didn’t lose him!  Someone’s taken him and eaten him.

Tall man:  Okay… but it wasn’t me.  And perhaps someone hasn’t taken him.  Perhaps he just got bored and needed a bit of a break.  Perhaps he’s gone to see a lady cat… eh?

Male shopper:  (to the female shopper) for someone that doesn’t like cats he seems to know an awful lot about them…

Tall man:  He’s probably just having a little walk… he’ll probably be back soon.

Angry man:  Do you think?

Tall man:  Yes… He’ll be back before you know it.

Angry man:  So you don’t think someone’s taken him, or eaten him?

Tall man:  No!  why would anyone want to eat a cat.  He’s probably out now with his little ladyfriend, and he’ll be back this evening, scratching at the door, wanting his dinner and a little tickle.

Angry man:  mmm… perhaps you’re right.  Hey… I better get home, in case he comes while I’m out.

Tall man:  Yes!  Go home.  Wait for your cat.

Angry man:  Okay.  Er… sorry about… er, sorry.

Tall man:  No problem.  Just a misunderstanding.

Angry man: Thanks.   Better go…

Tall man:  Bye then, bye.  See you.

Angry man:  Bye.

The angry man leaves.

Tall man:  Psycho.

Female shopper:  hi.

Tall man:  Oh what!?!

Female shopper:  I think you and I need to have a little chat about where you source your meat.

Tall man:  what?

Female shopper:  Just, here’s my number.  Invite me to dinner some time.  I think we share the same tastes.

She has fur tail trim on her collar and sleeve.  He looks at her in disbelief as she saunters away.


6 thoughts on “The Tale of the Cat

  1. Neat concept, I always enjoy grocery store confrontations.

    this part is gold

    “Angry man: Cats don’t just go wandering off…
    Tall man: Yes they do. That’s exactly what cats do.”

    • Thanks Jake! Dogs are certainly stalwart. And less tasty… (As if it needs saying, that was a joke. Do you think I’ll get hate mail from activists? Animal rights people, if you’re out there, I neither practice nor condone the eating of domestic pets).

  2. Pingback: Tale of the Goat – Part 2 «

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